Vote for your Favorite Ross Quote!

The Top Five:

#1 Ross: "You're over me? When were you...under me?"

#2 Ross: "Hey! Hey! You're my baby/And I can't wait to meet you/When you get out I'll buy you a bagel, and then we'll go to the Zoo!/ Hey! Hey! I'm your daddy/ I'm the one without any breasts," (to the theme of the Monkees).

#3 Ross: to Paolo: "I think I speak for everyone when I say..." (slams door in Paolo's face)

#4 Ross: "Grab a spoon." Do you know how long it has been since I grabbed a spoon? Do the words "Billy, don't be a hero" mean anything to you?

#5 Ross: I have to go to China.

Joey: The Country?

Ross: No no, this big pile of dishes in my moms breakfront.

Favorite Moments

The Kiss

"It's always been you Rach"

The Kiss Pt. 2

"Oh Aren't You Handsome"

Thanksgiving 1987

Thanksgiving 1988

Ross and His Leather Pants

AND THE REST...

Ross: Maybe this wouldn't have happened if..if I'd been more nurturing, or I'd paid more attention, or I'd had a uterus.
-in regards to his breakup with Carol

Ross: You looked? You never look. You just answer. It's gotta be a reflex. "Do I look fat?" "No!" "Is she prettier than me?" "No!"

Ross: Now, just as she's about to drift off, you hug her, then you roll her over to her side of the bed. She still thinks you're just hugging, and you slip away. Hug for her, roll for you.

Ross: Cheater, cheater, compulsive eater.

Ross: Oh shoot, I can't tomorrow night. I'm suppose to fall off the Empire Sate Building and land on a bicycle with no seat

Ross: Okay on behalf of everyone I would just like to say meh-heh?

Chandler: Do you have to be a Century 21 real estate agent to wear those really cool jackets?
Ross: Do you say this stuff to girls?

Ross: Look, it's the artist formerly known as Chandler

Rachel: How do you expect me to grow, if you wont let me blow.
Ross: You, you know I...I don't have a...have a problem with that.

Ross: Oh hey, if I make you laugh, here's an idea, why don't you invite Paolo over for a romp in the sack and I'll stand in the corner and tell knock knock jokes

Rachel: I'm not going to lie to you, okay, it was good with Paolo...
Ross: Knock, knock

Man: What are you doing?
Ross: I'm sorry, my pie was-was in your hood. Now I just have to get the coffee out of that guys pants and I'll be back in the hospital by 7.

Monica: (shrieking) my God Ross...you are, you are, just ever since you've been here...you're driving me crazy...
Ross: Ow, Ow, okay, Mon, Mon, Mon, you've gone ultrasonic again.

Jack: I know what you are going through, when I turned 50, I got the Porche, you, you got your own little speedster.
Richard: Guys, seriously it is not like that.
Jack: Tell you what, maybe one of these weekends you can borrow the car and I could...
Ross: Dad, I beg you not to finish that sentence.

Ross: (referring to Monica and Dr. Burke entering their dad's birthday party) Monica, Monica, you could come in straddling him, they still wouldn't believe it.

Ross: (looking at Rachel's new tatto) : It's kinda sexy. I didn't think it would be but....wow.
Rachel: Really?
Ross: Yeah. So is it sore, or can you do stuff?
Rachel: I guess.
Ross: Hey, save us some pizza.

Rachel: (while kissing Ross) Monica?
Ross: It would really help when I'm kissing you if you didn't shout out my sisters name.

Rachel: Ah, oh God. Oh, honey, oh, that's okay.
Ross: What? Oh, no, you just rolled over the juicebox.

Ross: And how do we spell Casey? Is it like "at the bat" or "and the sunshine band"?

Ross: That's right, he's not Drake. He's...Hans Ramoray, Drake's evil twin.

Ross: (After seeing Joey peeking in the toilet stall) Joey, uh some people don't like that.

Ross: Hi tushie!

Carol: We're getting married.
Ross: As in "I now pronounce you wife and wife" married?

Carol: We'd like you to come, but we totally understand if you don't want to.
Ross: Well, why wouldn't I want to come, I had fun at the first wedding.

Ross:I don't know what she sees in-in... that goober,
And it takes him what, what like, I don't know uh-huh hello a week to finish a sentence.
Chandler: Yeah, it's annoying isn't it.
Ross: Huh-Uh (long pause)...Yeah!

Ross:(singing)What walks down stairs, alone or in pairs, everyone knows it's...just a big spring.

74kbMonica:Oh look and he did my crossword puzzle
Ross:Yah, but not very well unless 14 across "Gershwin Musical" actually is "Bite Me! Bite Me! Bite Me! Bite Me!"

Ross: "I think I'm just going to go home and think about my wife and her lesbian lover."

Chandler: You guys in the living room all know what you want to do. You know, you have goals, you have dreams. I don't have a dream.
Ross:Ah, the lesser known "I Don't Have a Dream speech."

Ross: It was horrible, she cried, I cried, she threw things, they hit me.

Ross: So Phoebe, were you about to play something?
Phoebe: Well I...
Ross: PLAY IT!

Ross: "Chandler. Whendidhewhendidhewhendidhe"

Monica:All I say is she better get the job.
Ross: Looks to me like he's the one getting the job.

Ross: Basically, he told me to get over myself and just do it. So I thought about what you said and I thought about what he said, and, well, his way I get to have sex tonight.

Ross: "I just though we'd go out to dinner. And then I'd bring her back to my place and I'd introduce her to my monkey"
Chandler: "And he's not speaking metaphorically"

Ross: to Monica: "Hey I married a lesbian to make you look good"

Monica: "okay, looking good. Okay cider's mulling. Turkeys turking. Yams are yamming...What?
Ross: "I don't know. It's just not the same without Mom in the kitchen."
Monica: "All right, that's it! Just get out of my way and stop annoying me!"
Ross: "That's Closer"

Phoebe: You won't even taste it?
Ross: No.
Phoebe: Even if you just pretend that it's milk?
Ross: Not even if Carol's breast had a picture of a missing child on it.

Ross: Hey Pheebs..are you going to eat the rest of that pop-tart?
Phoebe: ...Does anyone want the rest of my this pop-tart?
Ross: Hey, I might!

Chandler: I can't believe you would actually say that. I would much rather be Mr. Peanut than Mr.Salty.
Joey: No way. Mr. Salty is like a sailor. He's got to be the toughest snack there is.
Ross: I don't know you don't want to mess with Cornnuts. They're CRAZY!

Joey: All right I'll give you this: Mr. Peanut is a better dresser. He's got the monocle, he's got the top hat...
Phoebe: You know he's gay.
Ross: I just want to clarify this. Are you "outing" Mr. Peanut?

Ross: I'm fine. I'm just having my worst fear realized.

Rachel: "Hey, did you guys check out the new hand-dryers in the bathroom?"
Ross: gasps "I thought that was just a rumor!"

Ross: "Since you saw her boobies, I think you're going to have to show her your pee-pee."

Ross: "I honestly don't know if I'm hungry or horny!"

Nora: Ross, listen to me. I have sold a hundred million copies of my books. You know why?
Ross: The girl on the cover with her nipples showing?

Admissions Woman: Excuse me, this is a hospital for PEOPLE.
Ross: Lady, he is people! He has a name! He watches Jeopardy! He touches himself when nobody's looking!

Ross: Hey I have a question. How come it says property of human services on his butt?

Ross: How about the time I cut the legs off your Malibu Ken?
Monica: That was you?
Ross: Uh . . . they were infected. He wouldn't have made it.

Monica: Why don't you just get a roommate?
Ross: I dunno, I think you reach a certain age and having a roommate is kinda path-uh, sorry, that's pathet, which is Sanskrit for "really cool way to live."

Ross: "Look, I didn't want to leave him alone. We had our first fight this morning. I think it has to do with my working late. I said some things I didn't mean. He threw some feces."

Ross: I'm not in the [friend] zone.
Joey: You're mayor of the zone.

Ross: [trying to talk to his unborn child] Where am I talking to here? I mean, I know one way that seems to offer a certain acoustical advantage.

Monica: Is your tongue swelling up?
Ross: Either that or my mouth is getting smaller.

Ross: This was Carol's favorite beer. She always drank it out of a can. I should've known . . . .

Ross: Carol's pregnant
Monica: Wh-Wh-wh-wha-whwhwwhawh
Ross: Yah,. do that for another two hours, and you might be where I am right about now.

Ross:Well, wait a minute, why is she in the title?
Susan: It's my baby too.
Ross: Um, excuse me, I don't remember you making any sperm.

Chandler: Oh, see, I had to tell her that my number was your number, because I couldn't tell her that my number was my number, because she thinks that my number is Bob's Number.
Ross: Hey, tell me again, what do I do when Mr. Roper calls?

Joey: What? Ross will you tell him? Isn't that how a tailor measures pants?
Ross: Yes, yes it is....In prison!

Ross: Wasn't this just supposed to be a fling? Shouldn't it be...flung by now?

Chandler: What? Is it 'cause she left you? Is it 'cause she's a lesbian? Is it 'cause she left you for another woman who likes women?
Ross: A little louder okay? I think there's a man on the twelfth floor in a comma who didn't quite hear you.

Ross: Whoa! What-what happened to "forget relationships," "I'm done with men," the whole "penis embargo"?

Joey: Ross, did you really read all these baby books?
Ross: Yep, you could plunk me down in the middle of any woman's uterus, no compass, and I could find my way out of there (snaps fingers) like that.

Ross: I was the James Michener of dirty talk. It was the most elaborate filth you have ever heard. I mean, there were different characters, plot lines, themes, a motif. At one point there were villagers...

Ross: So he's calling you from Rome. I could do that. You just gotta go to Rome.

Ross: I had a dream last night where I was playing football with my kid.
Chandler: Oh, yeah? That's nice.
Ross: No! No! ( illustrating) With him. I'm on this field, and they hike me the baby. And I know I've go to do something , 'cause the Tampa Bay defense is coming after me.

Monica: Mom already called me this morning to remind me not to wear my hair up. Did you know my ears are not my best feature?
Ross: Some days it's all I can think about.

Carol: You'll find someone. I know you will. The right woman is just waiting for you.
Ross: That's easy for you to say. You found one already.

Ross: You know what the scariest part is? What if there's only one woman for everybody? Ya know, what if you only get one woman and that's it? Unfortunately, in my case, there was only one woman for her?

Ross: I mean, one day he was this little thing. And then, before you know it, he's this little thing I can't get off my leg.

Ross: Disneyland. 1989. "It's a Small World After All."
Everyone: Get Out! No Way!
Ross: The ride broke down. So, Carol and I went behind a couple of mechanical Dutch children...Then they fixed the ride, and we were asked never to return to the Magic Kingdom.

Paolo: Ah. You have...the sex?
Ross: No. No. No. Technically, the sex is not being had.

Ross: Ok, Ok. Now what is wrong with my Snuggles? It what? It says I'm a sensitive, warm, kind of guy. You know like a little fuzzy bear........Alright, I can pick something else up on the way.

Ross: Bring me the rice. C'mon good boy. C'mon bring me the rice. Thank you. Good boy. Well, I see he's finally managed the difference between "Bring me the.." and "Pee in the...".

Rachel: Ross, you're like my best friend. If we broke up, and I lost you...
Ross: What makes you think we're gonna break up?
Rachel: Well, have you ever been involved with someone where you haven't broken up?
Ross: No..But it only has to happen once.

Ross: And you know what the funny thing is, when the day is over, you get to go home with the baby-okay. Where does that leave me?
Susan: You get to be the baby's father. Everyone knows who you are. Who am I?
There's Fathers Day and Mother's Day. There's no...Lesbian Lover's Day!
Ross: Every day is Lesbian Lover's Day!

Ross: You know how, uh, the nurse said that Nana has passed? Well she's...not quite.
Monica: What?
Ross: She's not passed. She's present. She's back.

Monica: You're going to China?
Ross: It's for the museum. Someone found a bone. We want the bone. They don't want us to have the bone. I'm going to try to persuade them to give us the bo-It's a whole big bone thing.

Ross: Do you know the word "crap weasel"?
Paolo: No.
Ross: Because you are a huge "crap weasel". True story.

Ross: I'm just saying if dogs do experience jetlag, then, because of this whole "seven dog years to one human year" thing, when a dog flies from New York to Los Angeles, he doesn't just lose three hours. He loses like a week and a half.

Carol: What does he look like?
Ross: Kind of like my Uncle Ed covered in Jell-O.

Chandler: Hey! you kissed my mom!
Ross: to the patrons: We're rehearsing a Greek play.

Ross: "I think the word you're looking for is... 'Anyway...'"

Ross: Now it's definately a cat bone.
Matt: So it's not from the jurassic era.
Ross: No, the disco era perhaps.

Ross: Though, during the entire first Act I was waiting for him to give Claudius Vulcan death grip.

Ross: A buddy of mine auditioned for it.
Jon: So did he get the part?
Ross: Joey, well the show opens up tomorrow, so he's not giving up hope.

Jonny: Of course, if the guys look *too* good in their tights you got a problem there too.
Ross: [laughing uncomfortably] Yeah . . . big problem.

Jonny: You have a *kid*?! That's terrific!
Ross: Wait, here. Yeah, this is my son, Ben. Yeah, he's with his mother right now and his, uh, Uncle Susan. [pause] Ben's mother's a lesbian. So . . . .
Jonny: Well, I guess there's a lof of lesbian mothers . . . and, and gay fathers.
Ross: [pause] Oh, you have a kid?

To vote for your favorite Ross quote, or if you have a fave quote that is missing from the list, please e-mail me at chelcp@aol.com Or use the submission form if your browser supports CGI. This list was compiled by me with the help of Shanna, Steve, Carrie, Tara , Abby, Michelle, and Meredyth from the DS Dream Team. Other sources alt.tv.friends, The Friends Companion and Cooking With Friends.

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This page was last updated on November 21, 1998